Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ~*Jenn*~'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, May 3rd, 2002
11:04 pm	random thoughtz I see a lot of thingz happen to people around me n' well I wish that I wuz as lucky as most of my friendz or just complete strangerz. They really dunno how great they have it. Sum w/ great home lives, otherz w/ great boyfriendz, great relationshipz w/ their parentz, n' all that nonsense. Where I've had a fuckin insane home life, asshole boyfriendz who hurt me, n' a mom who spendz no time w/ me chooses her man over her childrens well being, an alcoholic stepfather n' an abusive father who disowned me n' spendz his dayz servin a sentence at a Federal Prison. I dunno it makes me envy them sumtimes. To see that they have it great n' sum kno they have it great n' otherz dun pay much attention n' take for granted the thingz they have that I could only dream of having in my life. I wonder if the great thingz they had disappeared... would they then realize how great they have it?Hmm...if I just look at my home life n' think it over the only thing I'm sure about is that I have an aunt who loves me. Well I dunno I'm bored n' tryin to figure out stuff in my head.... I just have this empty feelin in me n' I'm analyzin stuff is all...pay no mind. Laterz Current Mood: mellow Current Music: What I've Always Wanted - Kittie (2 Tortured Souls | Bet Your Soul)
Sunday, April 7th, 2002
12:37 am	Which of the Disney Princesses are you? (Bet Your Soul)
12:27 am	y duz vacation have to end I can't deal with this fuckin world. I can't deal with the fuckin people in my life. I can't deal with problemz whether my own emotional battles or all the pain I feel inflicted by the people around me. I thought being at Kerry's I'd b happier..n' I wuz it wuz kewl n' all but just knoin I'm goin back home, all these thought flood thru my head. Vacation is over back to reality. But I dun want that... I want to stay away from all that... I just feel safe here... N' I'm tired of all the fighting..w/ my mom ... I'm tired of her makin me feel like I'm just a failure... I'm tired of people treatin me like shit because I dun deserve special treatment cuz my life sucked or wutever. I cried most of the day...dammit...and I'm crying now...ugh... I can't think straight my head hurtz. I dun even kno y I'm crying. I just plainly hate my life. I'm tired of feelin like shit everyday. I just want to lay in my bed all day...every day wait for each day to pass slowly and eventually die. Stay secluded away from everything that hurtz me. I wonder if I go home tonite or tomorrow...will my mom still b ignoring me! Or will she just fuckin give me another third degree on how much she loves that asshole. I hate my fuckin life! My head hurtz sooo much from the crying...I'm havin hot n' cold flashes again. I get those a lot. I'm havin trouble breathing STUPID FUCKIN PANIC ATTACKZ! I wanna b happy for a change.... Current Mood: sick Current Music: Don't Let Me Get Me - Pink (Bet Your Soul)
Saturday, April 6th, 2002
1:15 am	Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill Turn- her over, a candle is lit I see through her. Blow- it out and, save all her ashes for me. Curse me- sold her, the poison that runs it's course through her. Pale- white skin with strawberry gashes all over, all over. Watch me, fault her. You're living like a disaster. She said, "kill me faster" With strawberry gashes all over. Called her over, and asked her if she was improoving. She said - "feels fine, it's wonderful wonderful here." Hex me - told her. I drempt of a devil that knew her. Pale - white skin with strawberry gashes all over, all over. Watch me, fault her. You're living like a disaster. She said, "kill me faster" With strawberry gashes all over, all over. I play quiet, waiting for her voice to say: "Some things you lose, and somethings you just give away" Scold me, failed her. If only I held on tighter, to her. Pale white skin, blood twisted and withered away from me, from me. Watch me, lose her. It's almost like losing myself. Give her my soul and let them take somebody else get away from me. Watch me, fault her. You're living like a disaster. She said, "kill me faster" With strawberry gashes all over, all over - me. (Bet Your Soul)
12:41 am	I'll never ask permission from you fuck off I'm not listening to you School is startin up again soon, the thought of goin home scares me. Everytime I go there all I do is fite w/ my mom. She's like pissed at me for hatin Willie but I dun see y xpectz me to like him WTF!?! O wait should I like him cuz he's an alcoholic, put us in debt, broke into house 4 in the mornin drunk, treatz us like shit...o but itz ok! He just got out of Rehab for the 12th time now? But hey people change! Another 30 day vacation will do him well. *sigh* I'm so sad tho... I mean Justin is 7 yrz old... All he does is ask me if he's gettin a new daddy n' he sayz the saddest thingz... I dun want him turnin out like me.. it'd b better if Willie didn't live w/ us. Then at least Justin wouldn't have seen his father in that state. But who cares! My mom swore to me she wouldn't take him back! That he's done embarassin us. I mean come on! He took a fuckin rifle n' kept shootin at a tree one time when he wuz drunk. We got a brand new car n' he drove it under a fuckin truck! WTF!?! But everything is okay..cuz she loves him. She took him back! She lied! I HATE HIM! All me n' him ever do is fite! N' he has the nerve to thro my asshole father in MY face sayin I did better for u then him when all he did wuz add to my misery! I dun want him doin nething for me! I fuckin hope he dies! He attempted suicide wut 3 times n' he failed! Ugh! Y did he have to fail! My house wuz doin soooo well when she threw him out n' now we're back where we started w/ all the fitin n' hatred. Jus fuckin shoot me! Now that he'z back he'z actin like nothin happened! Nothing EVER happenz! Everything is just fuckin perfect! Well itz not! Itz a fuckin mess! He tried to joke w/ me n' Billy n' we just gave him dirty lookz. Like wtf!?! Butt out of my fuckin conversation! Robbie is defendin him n' makin me look like the bad guy! WTF!?! I did NOTHIN wrong! Is hating him so wrong? Should all b forgiven when he's done this time after time? Why do I have to forgive him for something to which he's NEVER corrected! He's constantly doing this to my family! My mom defended him Thursday sayin that I act like he's such a horrible person when MY father beat me n' he just drinx! LEAVE MY DAD OUT OF THIS! I HATE HIM TOO! I KNO HE FUCKIN BEAT ME! BUT I MEAN COME ON WILLIE ABUSES HER EMOTIONALLY NOT PHYSICALLY AND EVEN THO MY DAD WUZ PHYSICAL THERE ISN'T MUCH OF A FUCKIN DIFFERENCE! Abuse is abuse! She's cried about how horrible he treatz us all the time n' yet when it comes to kickin him to the curb his departure lastz only a few dayz. *sigh* The copz have been to my house so many times itz embarassin. Never again am I callin the copz for her cuz she's stupid! They even told me last time to make sure itz for real now. They kno her! They kno itz pointless removin him from the house cuz she'll let him in a few dayz later! GRRR! God I hate her! Then she'll cry n' say *well everyone makes mistakes ya kno!* HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR HER TO REALIZE SHE'S BEEN MAKIN THE SAME MISTAKE FOR 12 YEARZ?!! Well LATERZ I'm done ranting on about my stupid motherz mistakes! Uck! Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill (Bet Your Soul)
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2001
2:15 pm	sick and tired Uck! I feel sooooooooooooooo shitty today. Then again I felt shitty yesterday. Kerry thought I was tired, I was semi-tired. Physically ill, emotionally tired of my life. I tried to sleep and I succeeded, but I woke up and was very ickily sick. *guzzles down pepto* I'd go home, but its daytime....people will see me....must wait for grandpappy see if he drives me home.... I can't eat anything. I tried toast but felt like I was going to puke again. Kerry made me tea. I was planning on playing pool with Rini, Laura, and Kellz but that is not happening. *sorries* I feel like shit. Maybe next week. I'm gonna stop writing now, must sleep, and await my grandfather....I wonder when he's coming home. (2 Tortured Souls | Bet Your Soul)
Thursday, August 9th, 2001
12:37 am	My chest not yours! Hmm...I've taken over Kerry's compter! Mwuahaha! Well!! Have I got an interesting story! It amuses the hell out of me. One of Kerry's friends found an article which I've got the pleasure of seeing. It seems that its a proven fact that if a guy oogles a girls breasts for 5 minutes a day it will add 4 to 5 years to his life! And he'll be more healthier, lower his blood pressure, prevent heart-attacks, and so on! SO! Hmm....maybe instead of being grossed out everytime a guy stares at my chest, I should be happy! Happy that I've helped them to live a longer and healthier life! So for now maybe I should just let everyone stare at them! Even push them out more! Flash some cars maybe.... then! I'll feel so wonderful knowing how much I'm helping the male species! Hmmm.....I'll have to take this into consideration! Heh! Yeah right......well whatever...so for all men! Go buy some porn or a dirty magazine, and stop looking at my chest, cuz shit I'd rather you'd die a miserable death, then have you stare at my fucking chest! ************ODE TO THE DOLLAR********** It's a Tuesday nite,I'm sitting in my room all alone til I pick up the phone and call up my friends. I call Jay, he calls Mike, we all know what we want and it feels soooooooo right There's only one place where men can be men where you're not happy unless your paycheck is spent. So leave your girlfriends at home and follow me to heaven on earth..oh you'll see WE GOTTA GO GO TO THE NUDIE BAR! The ice tea is sweet but its too bad that we can't get a seat on the dance floor there's a girl thats looking pretty hot to me i hope she'll come bounce on my knee when she's done with that other guy it doesn't matter if your handsome or not so call every guy on every city block to come on down and spend a buck or two... we'll see what they can do! WHEN WE GO GO TO THE NUDIE BAR! *********************THE END********************** Current Mood: impressed Current Music: Ode to the Dollar - The Youth Ahead (8 Tortured Souls | Bet Your Soul)
Thursday, July 5th, 2001
10:47 pm	I had a very fun afternoon! I saw Alan again! Me n' Justin met Meggie uptown, infront of McD's and we went in for drinks. It was really hott, and I love Rootbeer, and Taco Bell doesn't have RootBeer and so like ALANS WORKING! He goes in like the back though, so I didn't get to say hi. Oh well, newayz, a few minutes later, he comes down the walkway, with his lunch. BREAK TIME! So he says hi and goes to sit in the booth in front of us, and I was like eww fuck it. SO I asked him to sit with us. He was sooooooooooooo not reluctant. He plopped his ass right next to Justin. Hee hee, we talked about stuff, and hacky sack ball thingies and I yelled at him for being so silent. And told him how it was unfair how I never talked and now that I'm finally talking, he's being the silent one. Well he laughed, and he talked, kept calling Meggie a bitch. She found it annoying, but heck I was happy talking to him. I stole his hat, hee hee. He must've sat with us way passed his time. He asked if a half hour passed, and I didn't want him to leave, so I said no. And he just smiled. Then when he had to leave, he asked for his hat back....and I was like I don't have your hat. Dammit. I finally gave it back, and when he was leaving I pulled him back by his hand *didn't want him leaving me* and then he stole my visor! Dammit, hee hee, it was fun. Then I grabbed him again to get it back. He's just so darn cute. Ugh I hate him! Can't get over him! And I'm never gonna go out with him, cuz he ever thinks he again has feelings for me or is waiting to a point where he feels, he won't be second to Will, he'll probably have a girlfriend by then. God! Life sux! Umm..yea...I went to Ally's twice. It was kewl, we watched Witches of Eastwick. I was just in a convo with Ally, her boyfriend Chris, and Serena. It was a very funny convo. Ally left, and I'm now with Rini and Chris. Okay! Rini left me, I'm with Chris...its kinda wierd, dunno what to say to the dude. Heh, I should scare him, but I'll be nice. Today. Well Laterz! (Bet Your Soul)
Tuesday, June 12th, 2001
8:59 pm	Habeebee! I do it for you! Wow, I'm still hot, very very hot. Very sweaty, yucky eww! Right now I feel like a teenage dirtbag, I need to take a bath, need to get all the sweatiness off of me damnit! OOOOO *alans word :( * I'M HAPPY! I got my aunt to start a journal....*thinks she should be scared* Heh, I'd like to see the sucker who replies to her. I think I have glitter jabbed in my eye, it hurts really bad, I want to cry. And my headache got worse....I'm a lil hungry..Kerry's got no food....heh heh, only shitty hotdogs...*grandpa needs to go food shopping for something besides the ingredients to make tabuli hee hee* *HABEEBEE I CAME BACK FOR YOU! I MAKE FOOD FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU!* DORK! Newayz gotta get going again. Snoochie Noochies!!!!!! P.S. Welcome to the journal world Kerry*Ann! Enjoy! Current Mood: hot Current Music: Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus (1 Tortured Soul | Bet Your Soul)
7:21 pm	Gitchy Gitchy ya ya da da........Creole Lady Marmalade I have that damn song stuck in my head, but I actually like it...so its not that bad. Today is fun stuff so far. I'm chillin w/ Kerry, and her room is an oven. I think I'm gonna die of a heat stroke! I'm talking to Justin and well he's being retarted saying I hurt his feelings, *whatever* I know I don't. He's a liar! :p, Newayz! I'm back in this club thingy as Luna! Yeah! Ramus is gonna wipe shit on Alex! Ha ha! I can't wait! Umm...I have a slight headache, could be the heat....Harley is the cutest lil puppy! She's gonna die too, if she doesn't get some fresh air. She goes poopie in a litter box! Isn't that cute! Well I have nothing more to say. So Laterz! Current Mood: Very Hot Current Music: Moulin Rouge - Pink, Christina, Mya, and Lil Kim (1 Tortured Soul | Bet Your Soul)
Monday, June 11th, 2001
8:37 pm	im a whore\ (4 Tortured Souls | Bet Your Soul)
Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
8:35 pm	Special Me! Wow! I had a good damn 2 hours about, maybe more, speaking to Alan. What a cutie! Damn I feel special! God I want him, hee hee. Umm well I can't type much damnit! So I'll type tomorrow! Laterz! You look so fine I want to break your heart And give you mine You're taking me over It's so insane You've got me tethered and chained I hear your name And I'm falling over Current Mood: naughty Current Music: You Look So Fine - Garbage (Bet Your Soul)
Monday, May 21st, 2001
4:39 pm	The Bet! Today was mildly amusing. Fonzo miraculously found out Serena's journal name and now he has read all of her entries which is like really sad. He got mad and said she shouldn't write about half the shit she does and that she shouldn't be nosey....hmm whats a word to describe him, AHA! Hypocrite! Thats a perfect word! Now poor Kells is upset :( Don't be sad Kelly, if you cut yourself....I'll be really sad :*( ~That looks really horrible...ummm Alan and my brother are wearing like the same shirt...its really amusing tho cuz I kinda told my bro, watch Alan might be wearing that Metallica shirt today and he was! What a coincidence! Hmm I have a new nickname, quite funny it is...its SPARKY! Cuz I'm alwayz so glittery. I received this interesting name from my friend Meggie! Uh me n my friends have a bet going which is that I can't hit anyone the entire day, cuz they have this silly lil idea that I'm abusive, but I don't know I do hit people a lot kinda so maybe I am..... ummm tomorrow Justin has to be nice to me. And after that I can't curse for an entire day! Which is horrid, but I say fuck too much. Umm....wow this seems like a conspiracy to get me to be like umm..nicer or something maybe more normal....ugh I feel sad for Serena, having stupid people read her shit and realizing that he knows who all her friends are and can read everyone elses entries as well. Damn that loser! Well gtg tired and need to spend time with my friends. Laterz! Current Mood: amused Current Music: Territorial Pissings - Nirvana (Bet Your Soul)
Sunday, May 20th, 2001
11:06 pm	*misses her friends* ah! i dedicated a song to alan! Wow, I'm so tired, this weekend sucked ass. I babysat like forever and played video games! Wow! What a life. I talked to Alan like 10 mins ago. He's still on, but I don't have the ability to sit and think of what to say to him cuz I'm too tired to do anything. Eh I'm like dying over here. Umm... this song I'm listenin to rocks. I so need Stabbing Westwards Cd! No one listens to them which is okay to me, cuz its like they're 'my band! AHA! They fucking rule! I wish I could see them in concert... that'd be neato. I wish I saw Alan Friday nite when he went to junior prom...all decked out for some bitch! Heh, heh....umm...Meggie took pics so she says, yeah! I called Meggie this weekend, spoke to her for a few quick secs. Wish I got to talk to her more.. I missed my friends this weekend. ******You make it hard to breathe It's as if I'm suffocating And when you're next to me I can feel your heartbeat through my skin It makes me sad to think This all could be for nothing I wish there was a way For you to see inside of me I've never felt this way About anyone or anything Tell me What do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you want me? And, if I can't make you want me What do I have to do? ***** I know exactly what you're thinking But I swear this time I will not let you down I'm not as selfish as I used to be That was a part of me that never made me proud Right now I think I would try anything Anything at all to keep you satisfied God I hope you see what loving you would do to me All I want is one more chance, so tell me... What do I have to do to make you love me? I like the lyrics, some of it reminds me of how I feel about Alan.... at least the parts that have stars around it. Well now that I've compared one of my fave songs to Alan...ah! Why'd I do that... stupid me! But thats basically how I feel and if I ever hate this song, it'll be all Alans fault! And I'll have to kill him for my stupidity in dedicating this song to him that he'll never know about, yeah on that one! Heh heh, well my tiredness is making me more tired so its nitey nites for me, and to all my nice friends.. I better have a good day in school tomorrow with all of you's cuz I miss my friends *not being with them all weekend, in a weekend of pure and utter boredom!* They better not disappoint me! I make no sense damnit! Ugh NITEY NITES! Current Mood: irritated Current Music: What Do I Have To Do -- Stabbing Westward (Bet Your Soul)
Thursday, May 17th, 2001
6:17 pm	I'm finally gonna see Alan w/o his pants I got to talk to Alan! And now I'm like super happy! Yuppers! He's sooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!! Well heh heh, he wants me to try on his pants, I'd be more than happier too! Gotta go Laterz!!! Current Mood: jubilant (Bet Your Soul)
5:06 am	Alan on the Brain Wow I haven't written in a long time. Meggie will like my song! Its soooo cute! Umm where do I start off..... well my dad has been calling a lot more often lately. My mom laughs at how I treat him on the phone. I don't think he realizes that I don't want to visit his stupid ass. I hate him but I just can't tell him that, cuz I don't know. Hmm..my grandparents called me on his behalf. It seems he was a little offended that I won't get my i.d. fixed cuz the picture broke off and I need a picture I.D. to get into the prison. I haven't been doing too well since Saturday. My mommy damaged a disk in her spine. I feel bad for her, I don't know what to do. She's gonna have to go to Physical Therapy and she might have to go on disability. I'm really worried about her. Umm Alan and his girlfriend broke up. He wanted to get with some grammar school chick, but heh she likes his friend Anthone, thank god. I don't know I really like him and the fact that I feel all his sweet talk was just lies, cuz he had no obligation to me cuz he was taken. It makes me really sad. I kinda thought he'd never go out with me. No guy I ever liked, liked me back anywayz. I should be used to that but I like Alan a lot and it hurts. I cried like most of the week cuz of that idiot! I hate crying over guys! Yet I feel bad that him and his girlfriend broke up. I think he really liked her. He wasn't in school today. Oh well, he looked really cute yesterday in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt. I can't stop thinking about him! But whenever I think about him now, I get really sad cuz the first time we talked online he said how hott I was *which I don't believe* and so on, and then he said if he didn't have a girlfriend he'd go out with me in a heartbeat but he wanted to go out with some grammar schooler! One time Serena told him to be careful with what he says to me and he said he can't help to say what he feels, but it was just a stupid lie! He never wanted to go out with me.... I wish he never knew I liked him... its easier not to get hurt that way. I hate not speaking infront of him, like maybe if I talked more and he got to know me....but I just go blank. I have so many insecurites about myself and he just like made me so happy. Not many of my friends believed he'd go out with me, which is kinda sad but who cares cuz we all know he wouldn't go out with me, I'm far from hott, or sexy. Ugh! I want to hate him so much, but its so hard and I try so hard to make myself believe I don't like him anymore but everytime I see him or think about him I just can't stop liking him! Its driving me insane! Serena agrees that Alan is cute, she probably has a better chance at dating him then I do. At least she talks to him! Heh its funny cuz my mood is supposed to be calm, but I keep typing about Alan and that doesn't keep me calm! Okay ummm.... Tuesday I hung out with Serena, *I've been doing that a lot lately*, we were in her moms car and we passed by Mikey, Lauren and my x boyfriend. *alan just came on* I got kinda ewwed at Mikey but he said Chris saw him and came over. Mikey said he didn't want to talk to Chris. I hate Chris, sadly to say he was like the only guy who likes me and from what I'm told still does. And its going on a year since we've been together. Thinking of him and how I went out with him, its no surprise Alan doesn't like me if thats the only dude I could get! UGH! Again I make myself sad! UGH! oh well i'm leaving i'm gonna talk to Alan. Laterz Current Mood: content Current Music: Serial Experiments Lain (5 Tortured Souls | Bet Your Soul)
Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
7:29 am	Okay so like yesterday was okay, I watched Buffy which was an awesome episode! Spike is soooooooo hott! Umm lets see I cried during most of the episode cuz I kept getting really bad pains in my leg. As if it cramped up or got like a huge ton thingy dropped on it. Today was okay, though. 1st through ummm 3rd I was taking this Terranova testing bit which was boring as hell. We were supposed to leave like after 4th but the testing ended early and when we got out it was the middle of 3rd. I knew that cuz I saw Alan in the ice rink playing volleyball. Course I tempted to get closer, maybe go in and say hi but instead I left. Too nervous to go up to him and actually say something. I have stuff I could talk to him about but I'm too nervous around him still. I tend to go into a memory lapse around him, my mind goes blank and my mouth shuts. Which is funny cuz most of the time my mouth won't shut! Let me think ummm.... 4th was interesting cuz I had nowhere to go! I went to gym with Meggie and her teacher ended up kicking me out! Damn! I went to my bio teachers to tell her I wouldn't be able to do the community service. It sux to graduate we have to do 20hrs community service, ugh! Well after that I bumped into a security guard, Spencer. He's the kewlest. He told me to go to a cafe so I went to Serena's cafe where I kicked out after about 10 minutes cuz dumbass Louis told the teacher I didn't belong there. I got kicked out of my bro's cafe too. And then I chilled in the girls bathroom. All in all I got booted a lot. Ummm....afterwards I had cafe! And I sat with Kelly and Justin, staring off at Alan, a few times. I got screamed at by a teacher for throwing something at boys who threw things at me first!! And uh I stared at Alan some more! He's sooo cute, but then again I say that everytime I write! But he so is! Well ummm I went to all my other classes, nothing big happened. I really didn't say hi to Alan! Damn! That really sux! Serena said she talked to Julian online yesterday which to me is mightily amusing because he said that he sees us all the time and we never say hi... but he can say hi first! And I don't know its gonna be awkward for me if he finds out I like his brother, after liking him... Lets see ummm wow! Meggie talked to this girl who are group I guess thought she was our enemy but she isn't really... We thought she stared at us all the time cuz she didn't like us but she compliemented Meggie on her hair and when Meggie said that she thought Corinne didn't like our group she said no, she just doesn't like serena which yeah is mean, but I don't know. I guess all those times me n serena were talking to alan, she wasn't pulling him away from me, but pulling him away from Serena. It basically makes her a nice bitch. Serena seems to care that Corinne hates her, which I understand to be annoying since its for no reason what so ever. Well anyways the rest of my day was funny. We went to McDonalds, got ice creams and of course I was picked on. It seems Serena was wondering what would happen if she tried to pop my damn boob. Which wasn't very fun! Considering that I was in pain from getting rammed in the chest accidentally in the hall. Owwies umm let me think we bumped into Louis who I fought with physically. He's a jerk, hit me hard too damnit! And Justin said I was flirting!!!!! Well now I'm at Justins talking to Serena online, we played a fun game. I imed her while she was on two names and she pretended to be the dude she liked Jeff. It was really funny. Well gtg Laterz!!!!!!!!!!!1 Current Mood: drained Current Music: Cemetary Gates - Pantera (Bet Your Soul)
Monday, May 7th, 2001
8:27 pm	Banana head Don't ya just love my song, and the topic! They just compliment each other so well!SO!I'm like going insane! I have just about nothing to write about but I'm bored and hyper and I need something to do! AND ALAN STILL ISN'T ON! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! Thats one of my lil phrases when I get angry or I forget something that and WAZZZOMBIE! Thats like whasssup, but like drunk style! HEH! Long story won't get into it , should get into it cuz well I don't really have anything to say! Ah! I really want Alan on! Hee hee I'm like going insane, I wonder if I took my paxil today, I don't remember I think I did, I think... maybe heh heh. Well NO! I did! I took it cuz ummm yeah my mom made me! But shhhh there's a secret.........shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I don't have a secret! so Like okie dokie ryo-oh-ki.AH! I really want a mudslide! They're sooooooooooo good and stuff, and me n Mikey and this boy named Kenny were talkin about drugs n stuff, but I dont' know those cuz I'm a good girlie and I was like wow mudslides are really godo and it makes me want one, heh only kidding justin! *i just said only kidding to protect justins feelings, he's against drinking* he'll always be my friend, hopefully. but i can't help wanting at least one mudslide, one after the other possibly hee hee! I swear I didn't get drunk at that block party, I was just throwing the glow necklaces for fun! It was dark and they glew and it was fun throwing them over the wire. *thinks she might have been drunk* ITS ALL LIES! I WASN'T DRUNK! Heh heh, well ya know what Julian signed off but I don't see Alan, god fucking damnit that homo! Why isn't he on! UGH! Men like suck totally and completly. They suck like big umm eww you get the picture. Ugh! This kid named Keith who's really annoying and his voice is annoying and he's really ugly and he always bothers kelly I hate how he bothers her, I just want to strangle him when he tries to give her hugs. I try to keep as much space between them as possible! Well he claimed he was 7 1/2 big like penis size and I said that that was his over-exaggeration of what he doesn't have. It was funny stuff and he asked how old I was just so he could tell me he can teach me how to speak like an indian??? GOD I HATE HIM! He's so like umm whats the word oh yeah! STUPID! UGH! Well...umm I gtg again, maybe I'll write more hee hee. Well Laterz and good peace towards women, umm men burn in hell. Hee hee, god that was stupid and like made no sense. *needs to lay off sugar* LATERZ! :) Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Bananas in Pajamas (Bet Your Soul)
7:54 am	The banana of death! HEY! Like umm whats up peoplz, I'm like wired right now! I was sitting with Justin and watchin Tenchi! *one of the kewlest showz on Toonami* And I heard a familiar tune! It was Mr. Softy! I love ice cream, which is kinda obvious, hee hee. I got the giggles today, as my friend is telling me I laugh for no reason. Well newayz I heard the music and I made Justin run with me outside. So we go outside and I hear the music, a lil bit fainter and I'm like! AH! That way! So I run, which is like a complete first for me, guess ice cream gets me going. And I see him! And I run as fast as I can, not too fast I might've fallen, and I have to wrap my arms around my chest tho in case I accidentally knock myself out with my big boobs. And like I make it! I was proud of myself. Shit I could do track if they had a Mr. Softy truck driving around in the distance. I'd probably get 1st place! So like I get this big ass Banana Boat thingy which was dripping everywhere so me and Justin are trying to drink the juice! And we get inside his house and pig out on the boat of ice cream. Which was really good, but now I feel kinda icky from it. Oh well! Well newayz I'm now online which is kewl cuz I'm talkin to Rena and she said she's feelin a lil bit better since like yesterdays dilemma. Well like as I talk to her I remembered my dreamt that I had last nite which I told Kells in cafe! It was sooooo *god fucking damnit* funny! The reason I put god fucking damnit is cuz the ending got icky like my ice cream. Good at first and icky afterwards. Hee hee, that wasn't funny but I just bursted out laughing again..... Well newayz see in my dream my friend Meggie beat up alans g/f who was black, don't know why, but well she used a banana to beat his g/f up and she ended up jabbing it in her head so his g/f died, the shitty part was that he didn't give a shit and ran off with this girl he's friends with. It was sad. Oh well. OMG! Me n Serena were like just rping and well heh heh she tickled the back of my leg so I fell and went into convulsions, shaking sparatically. I knew I knew the word but I had no idea what it meant, cuz I heard it somewhere! *Shows where my blonde comes in* Well I just realized it was from the Clueless movie and sparatically means for something to happen once in awhile. What a blonde I am! Ugh! I wish Jul would get the fuck off so I could speak to Alan online! Heh well I'm gonna go, cuz this thingy has to end sometime. Oh and Serena since you will be reading this, this is for you! *Grabs Serena by her beads and strangles her with them* ~How do you like raving now? BITCH!~ Heh heh that was fun stuff! Well, as my men Jay and Silent Bob say! Snoochie Noochies! Current Mood: hyper Current Music: *Drug Dealin Kid* By: Jenn, Serena, n Kelly (Bet Your Soul)
5:04 am	What a weekend Wow! I haven't written in my lil journal thingy since like umm friday and its monday! How sad, well not really seeing it would seem as if I actually had a life to not be on the computer but eh not really. Saturday I had plans with Justin which were cancelled thanx to my asshole stepdad. He took his anger out on me! Because his stupid drug-addict, white trash son stood him up! Seriously I don't give a shit, I mean I got some extra sleep but don't take your family problems out on me, stupid fucking homo! Ugh! Well I spent the day watching my Sat morning cartoons, and I saw my fave movie! 10 Things I Hate About You! That movie rocks! Well thanx for being home, the phone rang and I was the lucky one to answer. Hmm who was it again....OH YEAH! Good ole dad! What an asshole! I hate him! He asked if it was me, Jenn, and I could've, should've, would've said NO if I, I don't know was mean? Well we talked for awhile about stuff and he said that he's working hard to get out of where he is. Good ole prison. Keeps him away from me for a good more 11 years. Heh, well I'm not gonna go into how he got there but what I write later on, about today might give ya a clue. Sunday, Justin came over and we played Smackdown, watched Stir Of Echoes, Played more Smackdown and.....watched the X-Files... hee hee funny episode! Well then when Justin left I was in my room and tried on my bathing suit to see if it still fit....yeah right! It seems my chest size must've grown a bit more cuz I was falling out of the fucking thing, the sides the front...pays having a big chest! Hard to find a nice bathing suit and you have old filthy pervs staring at my chest, and the rest of the teenage males. Its disrespectful for guys to gawk at girls chests. Well today in school was kinda interesting. I saw Alan, I was soooooooo happy! Umm let me see I got screamed at in math for not having my book and being irresponsible. That was annoying. Ummmm I didn't really fight with Mikey in English which was sweet, I got to cheat on a test tho...probably won't pass. On my way to fourth period and I ran into Serena.... she looked a reck, her eyes were all watery and I was thinking OMG! Whats wrong with my Rena? Well I found out, she got into a huge fight with her mom and well the dude she's really close with is moving. I hugged her while she was crying in the halls and Meggie came and thought Rena was laughing and offered her a fry to cheer her up. When Meggie left Serena and me were talking for awhile. She said her mom slapped her and I felt bad for her cuz I know how that feels. I was always hit as a child and I can't stand it sometimes when people say oh I hate my life, I'm failing school I have the worst life ever... and all this petty shit. Like with Serena that fight should have never happened, her mother was overbearing and no offense to Serena stupid! How the hell could you hit your child over stupid shit! My dad hit me all the time, he was very abusive, I got hit for stepping on a car seat, eating the wrong way, laughing, breathing you name it! He even hit my mom and my brothers. He was a real asshole, he threatened my mom, even me telling my mom he'll kill her if she leaves him, pointing a gun at me and threatning her with my life. It was hell.... but eh some people should be lucky that they didn't have to deal with that shit. Thats why I'm on paxil, I blame it on my dad, he ruined my life even after the divorce. Never helped support us, I had to babysit since I was 11, never could go out, never had friends. Ended up being diagnosed, with a depression problem, but after all I went through its no surprise I have an anxiety disorder. I even have referrals to psychiatrists but I pleaded not to be sent to one, after all that Rainbows shit I had to go through in grammar school. So instead I went to a social worker and she cried after I told her my life story. Heh, was it that bad? Well at least now I have friends who make me happy and being emotionally disturbed isn't that bad, I guess cuz its not wrong to be an emotional baskidcase cuz I always have my friends to count on when I get out of hand like I used to *before the paxil* Hmmm...and my friend replied to my lil entry friday and well yeah I understand I have to take my paxil, thanx for worrying I just feel awkward about having Alan know. Maybe its cuz I was told that people might get scared if they know someone that likes them is emotionally unbalanced. Then again she told me he might only like me cuz I have a big chest. Parents are no good! Well newayz I told Serena she's lucky she doesn't have to deal with getting hit every day. Her mother just didn't out of anger and well stupidity. After school she looked better though, I really didn't get to talk to Alan, oh phooey. And now I'm at Justins as he plays Smackdown. Hmmm...well I gtg, I rambled too much about my horrid life. Laterz! Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Chorus of the Furies - Faith & the Muse (1 Tortured Soul | Bet Your Soul)